My favorite was always red

Cherry

Fruit punch

Strawberry

It all tasted the same

Never mattered the name

As long as it was red.

But as I lay here

And see nothing but

It’s beginning to change

I stare down at my blurry hands

My soaking legs

And bleeding stomach and wonder if this is real

I couldn’t have done this

But I have

I granted your wish

You didn’t want this seed

So I did what you couldn’t

 What you didn’t have the heart to do

I did it for you

And even if you thought the constant

Yelling and screaming didn’t do the trick

I took care of that shit

As I sit here

Repeatedly hearing your lies

While trying to hold back tears

That escapes from my eyes

I cringe as little Derrick

Or little Monica’s blood runs through my veins

You see

I believed you

When you said you would hold me

When I was in pain

But I guess that didn’t include

The kind that was self inflicted

So I guess we’re not going to have

R. Kelly playing

Or candles burning

 Or the make believe fairy tale of

Our lives together

You don’t want to hear about all of that

Our two year relationship ended the second I said those words

When a silly crush merged

Into this.

But since you aren’t working

And I’m still trying to get my education

A real abortion wasn’t going to happen

But you knew we wouldn’t need any money

With all the sleepless nights of you

Accusing me of lying down with another

Your cousin

Your boys

Even your brother

You knew all of this would get to me

But see

It wasn’t that long ago

That I lied down on your bed

You said

“This will feel good”

I said

“I’m scared and not in the mood”

You said

“It will be okay”

I asked

“Will you love me always?”

You said

“As long as the sun shines

You will always be mine.”

Well

Darkness has fallen upon us

And separated our beings

Because you are not with me

And everything is ending

So now I’m sitting in this tub of water

Which is turning a dark reddish color

I’ve hit my stomach so many times

That I don’t even feel like it’s crime

It’s just evil

In the midst of my tears

I can hear my unborn baby cry

It’s calling out my name

I can hear him or her saying to me
“I’m not the one to blame”

But I am the one that laid

In a bed that wasn’t mine

Filled with lust but thought was love all intertwined

I cry harder as the water became redder

Maybe next time I would have known better

 Maybe next time I would have thought twice

Maybe next time I will decide not to lay

But now I know

That my child will never know

The taste of red kool aid